Monday, May 16, 2011

All over a cup of coffee

They say 'A lot can happen over coffee'. I agree. A lot indeed can happen over coffee. No, its not what you think... I am talking about a discussion that I had with one of my friends over 2 cups of steaming hot coffee. A discussion which compelled me to pen down this post. We started talking about the weather, and the office and the election results and finally relationships. The friend in context is of the male species. And as expected, the definition of relationship was different for both of us.

While talking to him, I realized the fact that guys consciously or sub-consciously starts taking his girl for granted after the initial "lovey-dovey" days are over. When you are new in love, you feel everything around you is bliss. It seems every love song has been written for you, every happy ending movie is the story of your life and you suddenly discover the hidden poet in you. But then suddenly one day you realize love songs don't attract you that much, love stories seem to be different from your life... and biggest of all.... you cant write poems anymore!! Oh gosh, whats wrong? Does that mean you are falling out of love? Don't panic, the answer is NO. It's just that you get used to your partner's love. That's precisely the juncture from which a guy starts taking his girl for granted. Maybe in a conscious state, or sub-conscious or maybe even unconscious!

This is where my male friend, taking a long sip of the hot coffee, made an important statement. He said that men start comparing their girl to his mother. He expects her to be as understanding, as loving and as caring as his mother. And if he is a lucky chap, his girl has excellent culinary skills which can be matched up to that of his mother's (that's a bonus though)....!!! Let me tell you, this friend of mine does not flaunt a 'single' relationship status. He argued that if a guy is actually comparing his girlfriend to his mother, it means he trusts her nearly as much. And according to him, the girl should feel privileged about her position!

Things started to get interesting...!! I was leaning back in the sofa and sipping my mocha, but his comment made me sit up... I just could not agree to the fact that a girl should feel privileged about her position when compared to her boyfriend's mom!! In fact, why on first place should such a comparison arise? I started my argument in defense of the female species..!! A girl enters your life when you are a matured individual. She starts knowing you when you have already decided upon your likes, dislikes, actions and reactions. And your Mom, she knows you from the minute you see the light of this world (practically, even before that). She guides you through your likes, dislikes, actions and reactions. A mother has the biggest heart for her child. How much you fight with her, accuse her, abuse her, she is the ever-forgiving lady. Every guy has experienced this. And this has made him believe his girl will digest his tantrums and mood swings like his mother does. This is where every guy goes wrong and this is practically where every problem starts.

I was surprised to hear this confession from my friend that he has his own check list against which he rates his girl. Rating here depends on how close she is in being like his mom!!! I called up a few of my other guy friends to take their opinion on this matter. I asked them if at any point in their relationship they have drawn a comparison between their mother and their girlfriend. And trust me, everyone of them gave me a positive answer!! They all wish to have a girl who will be like their model lady... Surprising, indeed..!!

Our coffees had finished by then, and so had our hour long discussion on this topic. It left me intrigued and set my mind into thinking. A time will arise when I will be a victim of the same situation. When I will be rated against a check-list. That angered me. This psychology of men may never change, but it keeps me wondering why can't they accept their girl the way she is? Why does she need to be reflection of someone else? Individuality has indeed lost its importance....


  1. Becoming your fan. Slowly , but surely!

  2. @Asif... :) thanks...!!! just trying my luck with words :)

  3. Interesting... I would have answered this in the negative. Your so called significant other is more than your best friend, but she can never be expected to compete with your mother. The whole idea is, well, incestuous!

  4. Interesting... I would have answered this in the negative. Your so called significant other is more than your best friend, but she can never be expected to compete with your mother. The whole idea is, well, incestuous!!

  5. A lot can truly happen over a cup of coffee... cheers...

  6. Nice post. now let me leave my views here over a cup of coffee..
    I think I should go with your friends view. For a guy the most valuable lady on earth is his mother.
    So things are simple. guy relates his wife/lover to his mom and the wife/lover should be happy for it.
    But that do not mean he expects the girl to change and be like his mother. He only expects the girl to empathize, encourage, love, support and care unconditionally like his mother. & these are the most essential in his life.
    There is no question of individuality or personality after they are in a relationship. It all matters well before, when they chose the partners.