Friday, April 25, 2014

LDR and All That Saga

There shall be an everlasting debate on whether long distance relationships work or are they the recipe for disaster. Some may say that they have survived the distance and come across as a strong, loving couple, while others may argue that romance and geographical distance do not go hand in hand. 

Without a second thought, we can come to the basic agreement that maintaining a long distance relation (LDR) is definitely not a cake walk. Whether it is a success or not, largely depends upon the actors in the relation. You can't go out for dinner dates or coffee breaks, you cannot snuggle together on the couch and watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S, you cannot hug, kiss or caress if you want to. You cannot rush to your loved one in times on distress or joy. You cannot spend lazy afternoons doing just nothing, yet feeling comfortable with the person's presence around you. It becomes a relationship sans any kind of physical intimacy. 

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder" - Simone ElkelesPerfect Chemistry
"Distance makes the mind go cranky" - Apala Sengupta

The entire relationship revolves around how well you can communicate. That's the only pillar of survival for LDRs. Text messages, emails, phone calls, video has provided us with all the possible modes to keep the lamp of love burning. How well we use it is the real challenge here. Emoticons are man's second best invention after the wheel! Loving, feeling loved, shy, angry, hungry, wicked, constipated you name it, it's there. And one click, it's there on your lover's notifications. You feel like hugging your partner, send an open armed emoticon. You want to kiss your lover, send the pout-lipped emoticon. And voila! you virtually get physically connected!

Jokes apart, LDRs are not something repulsive. All you need is the correct amalgamation of patience, trust, communication skills, respect and faith. LDRs are an experience in themselves and they are great teachers too. 

I have been in a long distance relationship with my seven-year-old boyfriend for the last four years. There have been sunny and rainy days. If I plot a graph of our journey so far, it will look quite like a sine curve - with its occasional highs and lows. We fight, we retract into our respective shells for some time (ranging from few hours to few days), we get back together again. It is all because of a promise that we had made to ourselves four years back, that whatever it takes, we shall make this relationship work out, in spite of the distance. 

I have friends around me who have had bitter experiences with LDRs. I have a handful of advice for them and those who would like to take!

How to make a Long Distance Relation work

1. Be verbal and expressive - Communication is the backbone of your relationship. Always share what's going on in your mind, how ever trivial the matter may be. Sometimes your partner may not be able to render you help because of the distance, but you shall be assured that there is that one person to encourage and support you emotionally in whatever you do.

2. Video chat at least once in a week - Take out a slice of your time from your busy schedule and connect through a video chat. It virtually makes you feel physically connected. Texts and chats are never enough to convey emotions. Being able to see each other while talking makes things slightly simpler. 

3. Send occasional letters and gifts - Letters may be old fashioned, but each one of us still love receiving them. Once in a while surprise your partner buy mailing them surprises like hand written letters or small hand made gifts, or any other thing that you think he/she may like. This small gesture shows your love and care and the connection that is shared between the partners.

4. Trust, Trust, Trust - Being in two different places will always lead to having your own group of friends. Do not soldier around each other when plans are made to hang out with friends. But also make sure your partner knows whom you are going out with, so that you do not leave behind any chance of misunderstanding. 

Four simple steps to keep the relationship alive. It is an investment with a high incentive - the immense joy when you get to see each other after days of separation! 

Do you still feel LDR is a bad monster that cannot be tackled?


  1. very good tips .. wish i had read these tips some time back ..


  2. Good write-up. I am completely for LDR. I think they have their own charm where one has his/her own space and feels less stifled. :)