Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Dog Tales

This post is dedicated to all the doggies and the doggy-lovers out there.

Are you a doggy, a doggy-lover, or a doggy-owner? If yes, this is meant for you. If no, this is still meant for you, assuming that one day you will belong to one of the above mentioned categories.

Doggies today constitute an integral fraction of the living population in a society. They have come a long way fighting for their rights, yet they are classified and categorised according to the society's three-stratum model -
  1. The Lower Class - These doggies, commonly called the stray dogs, are the ones who live on the pavements -  praying each night not to get crushed under Salman's car. They are itchy, thinks of the drain as their swimming pool, loves to urinate on the front tyres of your car, bark at the top of their lungs when they see another doggy from the next locality.
    Doggies of this class are energetic, enthusiast and ambitious. They are the P.T Ushas and Usain Bolts among the dogs. The moment they sense the turning of the ignition of your car or bike, their muscles stiffen, their adrenaline levels rush up with a force equivalent to the water force when the dam doors are pulled up, and sprints like a crazy cheetah the moment the vehicle starts rolling. It is still a matter of fascination to many why they love to run behind moving vehicles, but I personally feel, these Ushas and Bolts also have a hidden desire of becoming Schumachers!
    Some population among this class are known to be the professional eatery guides, as they are found in the trash bins of almost all food joints. KFC, McDonalds, BBQ Nation, Pizza Hut, Dominos - you name it, and they'll guide you like the GPS. But be careful, you need to find your own way from the trash cans to the restaurant.
  2. The Middle Class - These doggies, commonly known as the pet dogs, can be seen with one end of a leash around their neck and the other end trapped between the porky fingers of a fat owner. They have fancy names like Buddy or Rocky or Leslie and their coats have been brushed and washed with so much vigour that they shine like a 17th century brass statue in the Indian Museum. These doggies are health conscious - you can find them walking and running in the neighbourhood park each morning or evening or both, eating timely meals of pedigree and shunning all desires of useless junks like the KFC bones or the left over Mutton Kebabs.
    These doggies are not highly career conscious, and love to stay mainly at home. Few among them are ambitious, try reaching for the moon, but fall among the stars instead. They are the Ranbeers and Kareenas of  Doggywoods. They walk the ramp at dog shows, feature in the pedigree advertisements and few with golden luck end up being cuddled and kissed by Kareenas and Priyankas of Bollywood! Yes yes, I know, many of you now suddenly wish you were a doggy instead!
  3. The Upper Class - These doggies are the ones belonging to the high society among the dogs. They are the elite class with elite job. They are the chosen layer of cream, to work for the army or the war front. The can be found sniffing out bombs or land mines in the glaciers of Kargil or the rocky terrains of Iraq.
    They are the distinguished section among the doggies. Call it his luck, or call it his perseverance, one particular doggy shot to fame just by sitting and staring into a gramophone, wondering how the fish does this thing talk? And lo and behold, he was suddenly all over the gramophone record covers for years to come. (For kids who do not know what gramophones are, or what I am talking about, please refer here.)
    The highest achievement by any doggy from this class is undoubtedly by the one who went for a holiday in a space ship. Bored of taking strolls in parks and gardens, eating out of a silver dog bowl and sleeping in a golden kennel, he decided it is time for him to explore the world. But no, that's an old idea! How about a space trip! And there he was, the first martyr among dogs (Yes, you got that right, his plan back fired).
Dogs are indeed an integral part of today's society. Before I wrap up this up, let me leave you with some valuable gems of life -
  • Though there exists the three-tier class system among dogs, do not discrinate when you come across them.
  • No doggy is born Lower, Middle or Upper class. It is their deeds and outlook towards life that classifies them and makes them what they are.
  • Doggies are important to the nation, as important as you are. Do not under-estimate them. Remember the loyal one who accompanied Yudhishtir to heaven? Who knows, you just might be the lucky dog walking up to heaven with our beloved Mrs. Gandhi!


  1. Hmmm...nice...what about farm dogs, sledge dogs, therapy dogs, rescue dogs, etc.? Which category do they belong?

    1. Oops...I wanted to comment as there :(

    2. They all belong to upper class... rather, they have created a niche for themselves in that category by their way of living :)

  2. Hi Apala

    Lovely post and what a classification! Enjoyed the read!

  3. Hmmm Now i know all about it , thanks to this post ..
    but i loved the way you have described the classes ...