Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Of course, I am insane



Of course, I am insane. I am insane to go clubbing late hours on a Saturday night, in a pair of denims. Yes, you got that right, I was in an outfit that was provocative; provocative enough for you to snatch away my chastity. Its bizarre to even think that "provocative" is actually used to term a style of clothing. What exactly does the style provoke - Desire? Temptation? Rape? Had I not been in the denims, but a burqah, I would have still provoked you with my kohl lined eyes, or tinkling anklet-wrapped ankles or wrists. Yes, I shall provoke you, as always, to rape me, because I am insane.

******

Of course, I am insane. I am insane to give away my heart to a lady who doesn't worship the thirty-three thousand Hindu Gods and Goddesses like me, but goes to the church instead. The father who has been an atheist ever since my memory goes, suddenly realizes religion is more weighty than the right to live and love. This patrilineal society has has taught me culture of honour. Honour your family, honour your acquaintances, honour your society - but never commit the sin of honouring your love. I was insanely in love with my girl to get ourselves killed in what was an accident to the world.

******

Of course, I am insane. I am insane because I feel gay. Till half a decade ago, gay was a term mostly used to define a happy state of mind, and not someone homosexual. As I grew up to realise my sexual preference, I was stamped by the society as that gay guy which surprisingly took away my freedom to live happy and gay. Irony, ain't it? My best friends deserted me, my siblings shunned me out of their lives, my relation with my parents was on an egg-shell. All because, being a man I am insane enough to have a boyfriend.

******

Of course, I am insane. I am insane to even wish that I could live to see light of the world. I had just learnt to breathe and move, I had just felt the warm love of my mother's womb. I would eat when hungry, sleep when tired and kick when happy. I was a girl child basking in the warmth of a dark,cozy womb, waiting to let the golden sun soak my tender skin. I was insane to build castles in the air. It was not long before I suddenly felt turbulence around me, as if someone was pulling me out of my comfortable abode. I resisted, I tried to cry out loud, but no voice was heard. And I lay dead and cold; even before I could learn to breathe in the open air. How I wish I was a boy, so I could cherish the moment you are born.

******  ******  ******

A world of insanity, a world crumbling down like a castle made from a pack of cards. Humanity today is in question. Each one of us owe an explanation. What path are we creating for the future generations to come? What are we leaving behind for them? Insanity. That's the gift from us to the generations to come.

God save this insane world!



This article can also be read @ Conics Cradle


10 comments:

  1. If God could have saved this insane world, he would have done it much earlier :)

    Regards,
    Jahid
    Flashbacks

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is heart wrenching. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Beautiful and sad.

    ReplyDelete
  4. What a strong piece of writing! The anguish and the anger both coming through with equal ferocity.
    Well done!

    http://reekycoleslaw.com/

    ReplyDelete
  5. I can only echo Rickie. This is powerful writing, Apala!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Very well written, powerful emotions!

    ReplyDelete
  7. True. Emotions powerfully conveyed.

    ReplyDelete
  8. excellent one...each word speaks thousand truths..

    ReplyDelete